RingPirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Rum
by justplainoleme
Summary: A strange combination of Lord of the RIngs and Pirates of the Caribbean. It tells the tale of the brewing of the one rum. Read on to find out more.
1. Mist and Shadow and Cool Stuff Like That

Disclaimer: I do not own: a) Pirates of the Caribbean b) Lord of the Rings c) the Caribbean d) the actors e) any word of this story. Who can own a word anyway?  
  
RingPirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Rum  
  
Chapter 1 Mist and Shadow and Cool Stuff like That  
  
Pipey music sounds. People go "oooooh oooh"  
  
A ship sails out of mist and shadow and cool stuff like that. Suddenly a  
  
voice is heard...  
  
"We pilfer we plunder we don't give a hoot, drink up me hearties yo ho. Yo ho yo ho... AAAAH!!"  
  
Elizabeth Baggins, 2'11'' jumps as a hand slaps down on her back. Mr. Gimli Gibbs is standing there.  
  
"Aragorn" he says "let's find some food."  
  
Elizabeth blinks. "Mr. Gibbs, wrong movie."  
  
"Oh, right. Ahem. Shut up, kid. There are evil guys around. Ringpirates. They'll stab you. Like a suckling pig. I like pig. It's tasty..."  
  
Footsteps sound. "I'll let you tell the kid to shut up, Gimli Gibbs."  
  
This tall man with long brown hair, a tricorn hat, leather trenchcoat and stockings shows signs of mental illness.  
  
A scowl from the stocky man with a red beard. "She was singing about pirates."  
  
"Obviously. On your way."  
  
Gimli Gibbs shows signs of being an alcoholic. Oh dear, this is pleasant.  
  
Elizabeth likes hearing about Ringpirates. "What's a ringpirate?" How naive a child.  
  
"Vile and dissolute." Let's not use harsh language. "I'll kill them all. I'll burn them with a torch. Because I am Aragorn Norrington! All bow for me..."  
  
Gandalf Swann, the guy obsessed with paths, objects. "Dude, take a chill pill."  
  
Aragorn Norrington grudgingly acquiesces.  
  
"I like hearing about ringpirates." Yeah, no one cares kid.  
  
Gandalf doesn't. "Well, I don't."  
  
Elizabeth strolls about the ship. Suddenly, she sees a parasol. Then she sees a boy. A boy with long blonde hair. Wow, how stylish.  
  
"Omigod! There's a dude with blonde hair down there! God save the queen! Help him, help him, help him!!!!"  
  
So some dudes jump in the water. They fish out the kid. Suddenly Gimli Gibbs swears violently. Everyone runs to the side. And there, there in the water, are boats. They're burning. BURN!!! HAHAHAHAA... oh, sorry, got carried away there.  
  
"Get the boats out, you idiots!" Aragorn Norrington can be very vehement.  
  
"Elizabeth!" Swann is impatient with the little girl. "Watch over the boy. Take care of him..."  
  
Elizabeth nods. She's a very agreeable kid.  
  
She goes over to the kid and pats him on the head...  
  
"AAAH!" He grabs her hand. What a sped. Elizabeth notices his eyes are brown.  
  
"It's okay. I'm Elizabeth Baggins." His eyes slowly fade to blue. Elizabeth likes his eyes...  
  
"W-Will Greenleaf." Does he like her back?  
  
" I'm watching over you, Will." What does she really want to say?  
  
He faints. She looks him over. Suddenly she sees it: a bottle of rum.  
  
"You're an-- alcoholic!"  
  
"Has he said anything?" What is Aragorn Norrington doing here?  
  
She jumps.  
  
"His name's William Greenleaf. That's all I found out."  
  
Norrington doesn't even care. He sends the kid below deck.  
  
Later, in private, she examines the rum. She almost takes a sip. She's never drunk rum before. She wants to. She really does...  
  
Suddenly she sees a ship. It looks really evil. Oh dear. It's scary. Elizabeth squeezes her eyes shut...  
  
Do you like it? More later. Only for reviews. Good one. Story for reviews. Okay? 


	2. Why Would You Want a Flask of Rum Stuffe...

Disclaimer: I definitely don't own this stuff. I wish I did. How cool would that be if you could be like "I own Pirates of the Caribbean" or "I own Lord of the Rings." But I can't say that. Well, I could, but it would be a lie. Savvy?  
  
RingPirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Rum  
  
Chapter 2 Why Would You Want a Flask of Rum Stuffed Down Your Shirtfront?  
  
Elizabeth Baggins opened her eyes. The dream had been so. vivid, so lifelike. She had felt the spray of the sea, the touch of Will's hair. too bad the dream had ended. She could have had the whole journey with Will replayed. She never saw much of Will anymore. He was just. a blacksmith. Of all things, a blacksmith! Why couldn't he have been a servant? Specifically, a servant in her home. Then she could have seen him all the time. Every day! Every moment she wanted him, Will would be there.  
  
This reminded her of the rum. She still had the rum. She still wanted to drink the rum. Every day she was reminded of it, but every time she had gone to drink it, something happened. She still wanted to drink it. She stood up, and went to the desk that she had kept the rum in. Inside the secret compartment of a drawer she found the little flask of rum. She lifted it up with trembling hands, and uncorked it. at long last she would drink it!  
  
KNOCK! KNOCK! A loud rap on her door brought her out of her stupor.  
  
"Elizabeth Baggins!" Gandalf Swann's voice came sailing through the door. "Elizabeth, you dressed? I'm coming in!"  
  
Hurriedly she ran over to the bed, and pulled on a dressing gown. She then corked the rum and stuffed it down the front of her shirt. Wow, that must have been reeeally uncomfortable. Why would you want a flask of rum stuffed down your shirtfront? I can tell you, I wouldn't do that.  
  
"Come in!" she called.  
  
Gandalf Swann walked in the room. His hair is very long and very grey. It's actually rather funny looking. He has a looong grey beard too. Okay, back to the story.  
  
"You lazy little butthead!" he exclaimed. We can't say much for his word choice. "It's late you silly hobbi- I mean girl!"  
  
Elizabeth shakes her head from her height of four feet. She's always been very short. Her hair is now very long, and in curls. Its black and yellow. Kind of like Cruella de Ville. Except Cruella's hair is white. Okay, that's not the point. The point is, she's short. Okay?  
  
"I brought you a present!" he exclaims cheerfully. "It's a dress that will make you suck in your stomach , and have a waist of 2 inches around Isn't that lovely? Oh yes, I knew you really would love it. I'm so excited to see you in it for the coronation."  
  
Elizabeth ducks behind a screen. "Coronation?" she inquires, wondering if Will will be there.  
  
"Aragorn Norrington's coronation." Says Gandalf. Elizabeth is inclined not to answer, and she is sucking in her stomach, and really can't breathe. Isn't that sad? Oh yes, so sad. It would be funny if she collapsed on the ground this second. But she doesn't. Instead, she just feels like crap. Her dress is low, too low for the comfort of people watching the movie. But okay. Gandalf is now walking downstairs and what he sees there would make Elizabeth scream with joy.  
  
Yes, Will Greenleaf is standing at the bottom of the stairs, holding a box. Wow, have the years improved him. He now has a beard to go along with the long blonde hair. He's really hot. He sees Gandalf Swann coming, and wonders if Elizabeth is there.  
  
"Good day, Mr. Greenleaf!" says Gandalf Swann.  
  
"Hi. I have the sword. That you asked for."  
  
The author now proceeds to skip the whole thing where Will shows Gandalf the sword that Gandalf is giving to Aragorn Norrington. It's really remarkably boring.  
  
"Elizabeth! Oh, you look wonderful!" exclaims Gandalf. Will suddenly feels as if he cannot breathe.  
  
"Will!" Elizabeth exclaims. Oh, joy and rapture is hers. Her heart flutters, and the dress feels much tighter and much lower than it actually is. She wants to seize his hands and do a dance. But she doesn't. She does the next best thing: trips down the stairs, forcing him to step forward and catch her as she falls. As he helps her up, apologizing, she says under her breath, "I had a dream about you last night, Willy."  
  
Will is completely thunderstruck. "About me?" he says.  
  
"When we met. Do you remember?"  
  
"Duh, gorgeous." Okay, that's what he wants to say. What he does say is, "yes, Miss Baggins."  
  
"Well, please call me Elizabeth," Miss Baggins is just so. formal!  
  
"Elizabeth!" such familiarity shocks Gandalf. He mutters to Will, "You call her Elizabeth and I'll punch your pretty boy face in."  
  
"Good day Mr. Greenleaf." Says Elizabeth, as Gandalf picks up the sword and they walk out.  
  
Will smiles and nods. As they leave, he rushes out after them, and feels he can breathe again. Thankfully. The whole not breathing thing was bothering him. As they ride away in a carriage, he is struck by a sudden idea. He mutters to him self, "Good day. Elizabeth."  
  
Did you like it? Was it good? Don't answer that, it will be no. Okay, give me another review for Chapter Three: The Part With the Really Cool Music That We All Love. 


	3. The Scene With the Cool Music That we Al...

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings, just the DVD's. I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean, just the DVD. Okay?  
  
RingPirates of the Caribbean: The curse of the Rum Chapter 3: The Scene With The Cool Music That We All Love.  
  
All of a sudden, the scene floats out over the ocean. You see a pretty boat- ship, I mean ship- more accurately, the mast of a ship. Then you see a guy. More accurately, the back of a guy. Okay, now we're seeing the front of the guy. NOW we hear the cool music: DA DA DA da da DA DA DA da da DA DA. okay, enough cool music. WE don't know this guy's name, but he needs a name. Let's call him "tipsy boy." He looks rather tipsy, if you know what I mean. Well, anyway, he looks down, and apparently he doesn't like what he sees. So he jumps off his mast, and you see that he's in a boat. Not a ship, a boat. Okay? Boat, not ship. Not ship, boat. Get it? Thank you. Anyway, as Tipsy boy is bailing out his boat (Because that's why he looked down in the first place, it was full of water), he looks up, and sees some people hanging from a tree. Okay, they're skeletons, and they're hanging from a board. Their long black cloaks mark them as RingPirates, and Tipsy boy stands up. He takes off his hat, and salutes them. And more cool music plays. DA DA DAA da da DA DA DA da da DA DA DA DAAAAAAAAA., okay, enough with the cool music. We are through. THROUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But maybe not. Okay, this is enough! We need to get back to the plot!! This is very important, hazardous to your health if you don't read. Maybe if I don't write, you'll give me reviews for what I didn't write, and then I'll write what I didn't write that you reviewed. You know what I mean? OKAY! Back to the plot. for the second time.  
  
The scene changes into Port Robbityl. (Yes, this is a mix between Hobbiton and Port Royal, okay?) Anyway, all these guys on ships look up. And what do they see but Tipsy boy, standing on his mast, as his ship slowly sinks into the water. Just as it hits the bottom, he reaches the dock, and steps off in a very impressive and dramatic way. He saunters off in a rather tipsy manner- but, after all, his name is tipsy boy! An old man sees him walking off, and glares at him in an imperious manner.  
  
"Don't you know nothing in this world is free?" he demands. Tipsy boy looks rather confused. The old man shakes his head. "It's a shilling to tie up your boat at the dock."  
  
Tipsy boy looks down at his boat almost completely submerged in water. The old man looks too, and gets the point.  
  
"I shall need to know your name," he continues.  
  
"Like hell I'll tell you!" Tipsy boy exclaims, and then catches hold of himself. "Ahem. What do you say to one shilling and we forget the name."  
  
The old man considers this. "Five shillings."  
  
"Two!"  
  
"Four!"  
  
"Three!"  
  
"Welcome to Port Robbityl, Mr. Smith," says the old man, as Tipsy boy forks over three shillings. As Tipsy boy walks away, he snatches up the old man's bag of money, and shakes it mockingly, and strolls on.  
  
*****  
  
Elizabeth yawned. Will wasn't at the coronation, so she didn't want to be there either. The drums rolled on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on 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Aragorn Norrington finally reached the front of the fort, where Gandalf stood looking proud. He handed Norrington the sword, and Norrington went to toss it to the other hand, but dropped it. "I've got it!" he shouted, and then tripped as he lunged for it, and fell flat on his face. Everyone gasped in horror. Had he marred his handsome face?  
  
"I'm alright!" Norrington shouted out as he stood up. How egotistical. First, it's 'I've got it!" and now 'I'm alright!" Does he think anyone cares about him? NO. We're all waiting for the scene to change back to Tipsy boy or Will Greenleaf, both of which are very good looking. Okay, well, Elizabeth is tugging at her corset. I guess the thing's just a little bit tight, don't you? Anyway, the scene is back to Tipsy boy in.  
  
REVIEWS! I refuse to write anymore of this story until you review, and to "Abby" the anynonomous reviewer, I refuse to change the title of this chapter, because it rocks. I love this music. I listen to it all the time. Okay? And I'm not doing anything stupid. It's stupid to review a story and call it stupid. SAVVY? 


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